Love Like a Silhouette

Written.. February 26, 2012

Last night Janessa, Karlee and I were invited to a get-together/worship night with some friends from a group we have attended called Christian Surfers. The night was incredible, the worship powerful, and the fellowship, light and blessed. I was overtaken by the fullness of my Savior's love for me.. and was reminded of this when I looked through the tinted window on the way home to glimpse the looming figure of a mountain in the distance, a stunning contrast against the obscure blue night sky. This picture brought me to reflect on 1 Corinthians 13:12, describing God's love. "For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then, face to face," the verse says. Oh how beautiful.. If I can gaze upon the wonder of the night and fall in love with Christ simply because of the hidden wonders of the night, I can only imagine in the day how brilliant that love will be when the noonday sun illuminates it completely.

I thank the Lord for reminders of His glorious love for me through reading His word, and relating it to His creation. I thank Him today for nights of worship, shouting praise to Him with all my soul. I thank Him for nights of rest, and mornings where I wake up still singing of my love for Him. ("My voice shall you hear in the morning, O Lord; In the morning I will direct it to You, And I will look up." Psalm 5:3) My praise is merely a muddy reflection of His brilliant love for me, but yet He gives me leave me to do so. I thank Him for open arms, and the sacrifice of His son that lets me come to Him and receive His gift without hesitation for recompense for how undeserving I truly am. He is merciful, and beauty. He is passionate, and power. He is all-knowing, and still, He is love.

"For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall  be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8:38-39

I Have This Incredible Story

"I will praise You, O Lord, with my whole heart; I will tell of all your marvelous works. I will be glad and rejoice in You; I will sing praise to Your name, O Most High." Psalm 9:1-2

"Take a photo of the whole team in a  shower with sunglasses"
Obviously we didn't have the sunglasses
(L to R, back: Riguell, JeanK, Jan Carlos
front: Me, Tito/Ethan, Paul, Andres)

Walking up to Capilla del Calvario with Janessa for youth group this evening I was surprised to see the entryway filled with new faces.. Familiar to me, yes, but to the scene of the youth group they were new. I said "hi" to the kids, giving them high-fives and hugs, when I passed by a young boy whom I knew I had seen before. I couldn't remember his name for the life of me.. I passed it off, thinking he must have been a kid from Bible Club that had blended into the sea of faces, after all there were around 60 kids that attended.



I sat down on the couch, still talking to others, when I overheard someone say "Paul"..

NO WAY.

I knew I had heard that name from before............

About a month ago, Janessa, Karlee and I sat in the plaza in Villarreal. We were there to witness.. but to whom, we had no idea. We decided to use the time to pray, and focus on God to put whoever needed to be reached that day into our midst.

Not much happened. We passed out a few of the church tracks, reading, "Do you know Christ?" with little gospel comics and such. We said "Hi" to familiar faces, and read Psalms 41 aloud in Spanish and English.

A couple of young boys passed by, looking about 8-9 years of age, and something within me was compelled to ask them, "Do you like to read"? They nodded yes, so we gave them a couple of the comics, and Karlee offered them gum. We watched the younger of the two as they walked into the distance, still reading the comic, until they disappeared around a corner.

They stayed in my mind the rest of the day, so I offered them up to the Lord in prayer.

A couple weeks later, us girls planned a day to play soccer with some of the kids from PFK in the plaza. Yoel, a joyful-spirited boy of 12 years, was one of the first ones to arrive. (You can read a bit about Yoel in the PFR newsletter) As we waited for others I saw a couple young boys walking through the field.. I asked Yoel if they were some from PFK or Bible Club, and he didn't know, so he went to find out. He came back with the two boys, neither attended Capilla del Calvario, but they were up for playing some soccer-their favorite sport. I recognized them as the same boys that we had handed tracks to. Incredible! A split second of sharing Christ with these boys, and God brought them back into our lives for more! I was ready to pour it out!

Sweaty and exhausted, a couple of hours later, we all sat in the shade for water and cookies. I asked the boys  their names, and ages. The older-Paul age 13, the younger-Alberto age 11. I was excited.. I told Paul about the youth group La Roca, telling him to come if he wanted to meet more kids and learn about Christ. The younger I told about Bible Club, and unfortunately had no way to give him more information about it, but told him if he saw me on the street to holler :)

Vanessa and Riguell paint a chicken's nail

So, once again, Christ brought these boys into my life. I was exhilarated. How good our God is! They both came to youth group tonight.. But Alberto left after not too long, I'm sure, feeling a bit overwhelmed by all of the older kids. Paulwas in my group for the activity we did-a photo scavenger hunt. Together we completed all of the silly various tasks such as painting the nails of a chicken, all getting into a shower with sunglasses on, and eating a whole clove of garlic.

Paul handing out tracks -
just the way I met him to begin with, handing him a track!

I learned tonight of angels that God puts in each of our lives. Paul is one of those angels. He is a blessing straight fromabove, that was put into my life on such rare occasions that only God could have managed. He is a reserved, but sweet boy. Caring, and passionate. I pray tonight that God will reach his heart as Christ has reached mine through him. I pray that God will bring Alberto into the setting as Paul has found and the two boys will be touched by the love ofChrist and the incredible wonders of God. I pray the two will learn of the love of our Father, seek the redemption of a Savior, and find the truth He has given through His word. I also pray that God will continue to use me in His wondrous manners that send me into joyous song, and fills my soul the way only He can do.

"May He grant you according to your heart's desire, And fulfill all your purpose. We will rejoice in your salvation, And in the name of our God we will set up our banners! May the Lord fulfill all your petitions." Psalm 20: 4-5

Not too Exhausted to Exalt

Today was FULL.

The first day of Kid's Club was at 4:00 today. I am the leader of the group of kids aged 5-6 with Janessa called the Ovejitas [little lambs]! It was definitely a blessed time with skits, puppets, learning San Lucas 19:38 through song, rhyme and coloring, and just spending time with the kids. This year is getting started with a *bang* let's just say!

After that I stayed at Pastor Phil and Rebecca's to "watch" their kids, which consisted of getting all of my work done for Bible Club. Also was able to sneak in some more reading, because their children were all sound asleep. Hallelujah!

My morning schedule was reserved for studying - so I did just that.

I started with the daily reading, soaking up bits from various books of the Bible. Genesis, 2 Chronicles, Psalms, Luke, Romans, and 2 Thessalonians. Solid rounded reading - these from what I obtained my lesson for the day: to care for, exalt and build up others in the Lord, as God continually reveals His mercies in my life.

Genesis chapter 50: "Joseph said to them, [his brothers who had betrayed him many years before by selling him into slavery] 'Do not be afraid, for am I in the place of God? But as for you, you meant evil against me; but God meant it for good '" (v 19-20)
    Joseph knew God's will was done in his life trusting that all that had happened was by God's almighty sovereignty and plan. And God was faithful in taking care of him, and using him to do His work, and save many people.

2 Chronicles chapter 7: "When I [God] shut up heaven and there is no rain, or command the locusts to devour the land, or send pestilence among My people, if My people who are called by My name will humble themselves, and pray and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin and heal their land." (v 13-14)
   Even though He is just, and full of wrathf, God will show forgiveness and mercy upon those who are lost, and will care for them amidst their trial if they turn to Him.

Along with this, follows Psalms 34: "The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears, And delivers them out of all their troubles. The Lord is near to those who have a  broken heart, And saves such as have a contrite spirit...The Lord redeems the soul of His servants, And none of those who trust in Him shall be condemned." (v 17-18, 22)
  Another promise of God's mercy and grace, pouring out on those who love and dedicate their lives to serving Him.

Luke 15 contains the story of the prodigal's son: the story of a son who squanders his father's money and runs back to him, "tail between his legs", only to be welcomed with feasting and the best of His father's things once again offered to him. The other son who was always with the father seems jealous of his father doting on his rebellious brother when the father reminds him that, "Son, you are always with me, and all that I have is yours." (v 31)
  I am shown in this verse how the God of the universe rejoices with each of His children that are returned once again to His arms, and the ones that remain faithful are always welcome to all that He has to offer.

Romans 15: "Therefore receive one another, just as Christ also received us, to the glory of God." (v 7) This is a reminder from Paul to fellow brothers to always have open hearts to one another as Christ has shown us the example.

2 Thessalonians 3: "But as for you brethren, do not grow weary in doing good. And if anyone does not obey our word in this epistle, note that person and do not keep company with him, that he may be ashamed. Yet do not count him as an enemy, but admonish him as a brother." (v 13-15)
  We should recognize when one is not walking in the way as we have been taught by Christ, and should not do as they do, but admonish them, lifting them up in the faith so they can see the ways in which they are acting.

All of these sections are parts of what combined made my daily reading (along with a few chapters of Passion and Purity of course). I was fully reaffirmed of the mercies and grace my Father has shown for those who followed His will, as well as today in my life. I was encouraged to go "out of my way" per-say to encourage my brothers and sisters in the faith. I aim to encourage at least three people each day, whether by word, deed or note. I want others to be as encouraged I am as I read the stories my Father has given for me to read, and if that takes me reaching the love my Father has bestowed upon me for them to find out about the gospel, glory to God! Another child to enter through the pearly gates!

I'm exhausted from my long day, but definitely not too tired to sit down and share with all of you the beauty of a Father who deeply cares for His children, enough to lay down His life, and then allow it to be written down for her to reflect upon this act of grace, over and over.

At midnight I am to hit the hay, with a peace of mind, and heavy eyes needing much rest.

Buenas noches a todos!

"Me, Lord? Single?"

7:00 pm 2/22/2012

I started reading Passion and Purity by Elizabeth Eliot a few days ago. A well recommended book, and one that extremely intrigued me. "Learning to bring your love life under Christ's control" the subtitle reads. Although I am not in a relationship at the moment, my love life is still existent. As for now I am learning more about the deepest kind of love, and how to be fully satisfied with it. However I still long for a human relationship: someone to call my own. 

And this is something I want to change.

I want to be satisfied with God's love. So much that if I am called my my Father to a life of celibacy I will commit it to His hands. Doing so, confident that His love and presence makes my life so full and joyous that I would want nothing more in the world.

Jim and Elizabeth Eliot are incredible examples of this. The each lived by key verses in their life.

Jim: Matthew 9:12 "For while some are incapable of marriage because they were born so, or were made so by men, there are others of themselves renounced by marriage for the sake of the kingdom of heaven." 

Elizabeth: Isaiah 54:5, "Your husband is your maker, whose name is the Lord of Hosts," and 1 Corinthians 7:34-35, "The unmarried or celibate woman cares for the Lord's business; her aim is to be dedicated to him in body as in spirit; but the married woman cares for worldly things; her aim is to please her husband. In saying this I have no wish to keep you on a tight rein. I am thinking simply of your own good, of what is seemly, and of your freedom to wait upon the Lord without distraction."

I desire to seek after God's own heart, and His plan for my life. I am going to set aside all desires for marriage. If the way of God is to bring a man into my life, I will then know it is in order to do His will. I want to wait patiently on the Lord as He guides me day by day in His path of righteousness. I do not doubt I will have struggles, and will plead with Him constantly as did Jesus as He fulfilled His payment on the cross to "let this cup pass from me".. but I dedicate my life to His works, to bringing His kingdom, to showing His glory and love to others in all that I am, body, mind, heart and soul. 

Dance for you Jesus!

I love all of my brothers and sisters here in Costa Rica, from the depths of my heart..

Karlee, Janessa and I enjoyed being secretaries for the day, helping Pastor Phil, and Matt and Brooke with filing and paperwork. Karlee and I seemed to be constantly laughing from something or other one of us had done because of our quirky humor.. Let's just say sticking clothes pins on one's eyebrows and lifting them up and down can be quite humorous.

Later on we enjoyed lunch altogether in our little apartments, and at 3:30 headed off to help at Las manos del alfarero. I love the kids more and more each day.. And cannot wait to see their big smiles and confused looks as they try to comprehend what I'm asking them(Still working on that spanish!). Today was my turn to help Don Victor cook, and he made me in charge of the juice (shows how great of a chef I am! :P ). It was quite a hit I must say though, and was made from fresh passionfruit! Hanging out with Don Victor, and Denis is a highlight, as those Vargas boys are always joking.

Tonight we had a girl's night to welcome a girlfriend who is visiting for the first time of one of our dear brothers in Christ. The night was filled with fellowship, laughing, great story telling, playing the Wii, and delicious goodies..

Shanna and I a few years ago at one of our
last family vacations in FL

Today is one of many memories that I will tuck into my heart forever, because it is one in which God showed me that I am to pour out His love wherever I am with whoever I am with, and like His word, it will not return void.

Earlier today I was feeling a bit down.. I was thinking of my sister's wedding. How it was being planned without me there to help. Without me there to laugh, joke, smile, cringe, and freak out with my only sister over preparing for one of the biggest days of her life.. It's hard sometimes when I think of all I am missing out on. And it's difficult when I think of how I truly miss her. She has always been a powerful spiritual mentor in my life. Not being able to seek her guidance, and share with her every detail of my experience here is hard.

But God showed me today that there are people who He has placed in my life. Sisters in Christ to laugh, and have fun with. People I can share with and can help me walk down the path God has for me. Above all, He has promised to never leave me nor forsake me, and I will praise Him for All He is.

My sister Shanna and her awesome fiance Nathan

The Lord is faithful, the Lord is a provider. He answers those who call Him, and reveals Himself to those who seek Him. How great is our God! One who is always aiding us when we are brought down and lets us know the blessings He has given us each and every day..


"You have turned for me my mourning into dancing; You have put off my sackcloth and clothed me with gladness, To the end that my glory may sing praise to You and not be silent. O Lord my God, I will give thanks to You forever!!" Psalm 29:11-12

It was all God!

Reading Genesis lately, I'm recapturing the love for an incredible story of another one of those men who trusted in God's plan for his life: Joseph. I follow his life story, from being sold by his brothers, thrown in jail, until finally, by the hand of God, becoming highest in power of all of Egypt next to Pharaoh. A small snippet that stands out to me is that Joseph always accredited the rightful praise to God, recognizing it was God's faithfulness and will in his life that made it the way it was.

When he was first sold into slavery, "The Lord was with Joseph,"(39:2) and as he worked for his Egyptian master, "The Lord blessed the Egyptian's house for Joseph's sake" (39:5). Even when Joseph was appraised for being able to interpret dreams when he was in the jail, he said, "Do not interpretations belong to God?" (40:8)

This was a man who loved God with all of his heart. Torn away from his family, God still blessed him in all that he did, and he stayed faithful to Him who is Faithfulness. Joseph was confident that whatever happened, it was God's will. He told his brothers when all was revealed to them that he was still alive and had been living in Egypt all the years after they had forsaken him, "do not therefore be grieved or angry with yourselves because you sold me here; for God sent me before you to preserve life" (45:5).

What faith! To love trust in God even throughout times of desertion and solitude! Joseph gave credit to the one who gave Him every opportunity, every blessing, who was with him in every battle of his life. He praised God by giving Him the glory, because he knew that was truly where his help came from.

I long to praise my Jesus simply for being with me. Thank you Lord for granting me a beautiful, and busy day! To be able to once again work with the kids at Las Manos del Alfarero (Potter's Field Kids), and be able to know that I am exactly where you want me to be. Please grant me the peace and understanding to know as Joseph did that everything that happens is in your hands. That wherever you lead me, whatever the circumstance, no matter who is with me, all is in your control. I thank you for forgiving my iniquities, my failures that cause me to act selfishly and long for things I presume would be "better". Allow me to see the blessings that are continually in front of me, and for me to be able to shout your praises for all the world to see how wonderful, how faithful, how merciful, how powerful, and how GREAT you are!!!

"Giving follows Grace"

As I'm reading The Treasure Principle by Randy Alcorn, I find myself smiling.

"Christ's grace defines, motivates and puts into perspective our giving: "For you know the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, that though he was rich, yet for our sakes he became poor, so that you through his poverty might become rich." ([2 Corinthians] v. 8)." (p. 32, Alcorn)

I have more-so realized God's grace in my life as I live in the small town of Villarreal, Costa, living safe and comfortably in my quaint apartment with a landlord who caters to our daily needs. Sure the heat is exhausting, and the freezer builds up enough ice to build an igloo, but at least it cools down in the night, and we we have a cold place to store our fresh produce. That's more than some people can say. I constantly find myself counting my blessings, and finding joy in sharing them with others.

The other day I was hit with the desire to give a boy a pair of shoes. I made sure to run the idea past Brooke first, of course. With his mother being a close friend at the church she thought it, for lack of a better term, a "lovely" idea. Just like this time, I have been blessed by the freedom here to give and receive, no shame or "pride" to stop the exchange. The mother of the boy was grateful, and blessed by my mere actions of caring for her son.

I want the Lord to help me to hold loosely onto all items I have that He has borrowed me during my time on His earth. I want to listen closely to His calling to give freely, and to bless others, as He has given all of Himself for me. For me to live in Heaven with Him. In this way, perhaps, even through these earthly things, someone else may see the grace of God through a giving heart, and also earn the riches of salvation.

Because I will miss you..

It's weird how we'll have weeks that pass where the schedules are filled, where we sleep soundly from being just plain exhausted just to rise again in the morning, more tasks to complete.

Today was not one of those times. 

Today was a calm day. Productive, but calm.

I never left the house, got all of my "work" done, and spent time just relaxing.

God gives us time for work and time to rest. He is just.

I think of my reading today from 1 Thessalonians. What an encouraging letter! Paul so longed to visit those whom He had brought to, and encouraged in, the faith but he couldn't, so he wrote them letters.. And I think of myself, so far away from where I grew up. So far from both those who have helped me with my faith throughout my life, and those I have seen grow in their faith over the years. I think of how our relationships are so important to me and how I long to be with each of them as they continue to seek God amongst trials, but how I am here. And I know I am where God wants me to be, but that still doesn't ease my longing to be there with them. But thankfully I will be able to see them soon.

On the other hand, I look at the relationships I have built here in just a short time in Costa Rica. And I don't know if my future calls for me to return when my time here is through. But I so desire to stay in touch with these beautiful sisters and brothers in the faith to watch them grow and seek God's plan for their lives. 

I decided that when I return to the states, like Paul, I am going to write to my brothers and sisters (whomever God calls puts on my heart) in Costa Rica. I want them to know how important they are to me, and that I long to see them once again, and for them to know they are loved and deeply missed.

"Now may our God and Father himself, and our Lord Jesus Christ, direct our way to you. And may the Lord make you increase and abound in love to one another and to all, just as we do to you, so that He may establish your hearts blameless in holiness before our God and Father at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ with all His saints." 1 Thessalonians 3:11-13

Praising Jesus!

Ugh, the heat! How miserable.. No escape, for fear of racking up the bill on the air conditioning.. So I'll just sit and mope about it.

This morning, these were my thoughts.

And apparently, Janessa's too.

We both were almighty quiet and, with time, were apologizing to one another for being downers. We determined the reason we were so was because of the excruciating heat of the day, resulting in a lack of energy, and lack of motivation.

And we were planning on playing soccer that afternoon, in a hot dirt plaza with some of the boys from Potter's Field.. and dreading it. All we wanted to do was go to the beach and spend the afternoon cooling off in the ocean.

The only reason we were determined to go through with the day was because of the hope to brighten a young boy's day. This boy is named Yoel (pronounced Joe-elle). We had had a few soccer days before, and after that Yoel, every time we passed his house, would call out, "Janessa, Shaylene! Vamos jugar bola??" (Are we going to play ball?) We wanted to fulfill this one task of blessing him by playing ball one more afternoon before the kids started school, and there wasn't enough time.

Time passed, and in the heat of the day we wandered toward the nearby town plaza, the (most of the year)dirt field where major events take place.

Yoel was the first to show up. He always is. As others filtered in, he was excited to start, and so were the rest.

An hour and a half passed before we even realized it. We were soaked in sweat, exhausted, but there were smiles on our faces. My heart was lifted. These kids always blessed me more than I could imagine, and I look at the morning and cringe because of how I almost dreaded spending time with them because of my personal discomfort.

At the field (L to R) Josuet (with ball), Valentin, Me, Julian, Yoel, Federico

At church tonight the message was about giving praise to God. What a conviction after I treated my Father the way I did because I was hot and miserable, and still, He blessed me beyond compare. I desire to give praise to my Father, because that is why I was created. I want to lift His name high, even when I am distressed and uncomfortable. I thank God He gave me a heart for the children of Villarreal and the desire to put their happiness above my comfort, in order for Him to show me the truly blessed life I live, even in the heat of the noonday sun.

"I will praise You, O Lord, with my whole heart; I will tell of all Your marvelous works. I will be glad and rejoice in You; I will sing praise to Your name, O Most High." Psalm 9:1-2

Day of Love

Valentine's Day.

The day of love. Or depression.. depending on your relationship status..

Or not.

I was quite surprised today to open my Bible according to my daily reading plan and turn to Genesis 30. Quite ironically this chapter recalls the tangled love story of two sisters pining for the same man and, in this case as he happened to be, both of their's husband. Rachel vs. Leah for Jacob. I won't go into the hairy details, but the beginning of this love triangle was already dreadful... Jacob working 7 years for a man to earn the love of his life (Rachel) only to be deceived and receive the elder daughter, Leah. For this he worked another 7 years for Rachel, and when he had her, loved her more. Rachel was barren and because the Lord saw Jacob loved Rachel more than Leah He heard her prayers and blessed her with four sons. For this which she had given Jacob, Leah was sure Jacob would love her.. The story goes on, with maids added to the mix, giving sons, and Rachel eventually having children of her own too. What a painful web to be tangled in, in my opinion.

These women both sought affection from the same man. They sought love. They thought the one who gave him more sons would receive that love.. Although they might have gotten more attention from Jacob for bearing more children, it seems these ladies missed the mark.

As do most people today.

Love and affection isn't something to be gained through roses and a card, through chocolates and a nice night out. It's not something that can be gained by giving your husband more children.. (Sorry Rachel and Leah)

Love is what we've already been given. It's the grace that dwells in nail-scarred hands and side. It's what was poured out on the cross for us, to be able to fully see and dwell in the love of our Father in Heaven. It's not something that can be earned, not something that can be sought. It's something that is accepted. Something that is already offered freely, and completely undeserved.

Today I embrace the love my Savior has given to me. The freedom to laugh and dance and sing with ones whom I deeply treasure. I desire to do something for my God tomorrow, not because I want to earn His love, but because I want to show to the world how beautiful His agape love is for me.

Step by Step

As I was reading 2 Peter this morning, I was intrigued by verses 5-7 in chapter 1:

"..add to your faith virtue, to virtue knowledge, to knowledge self-control, to self-control perseverance, to perseverance godliness, to godliness brotherly kindness, and to brotherly kindness love."

We want things here and now. We don't want to wait for the internet page to load, so we order high speed. We don't want to put the energy into exercising to lose weight so we go on a smoothie-diet. We don't want to actually take the time to read the book for English class so we look for the summary on Sparknotes.com. We don't want to take the time, insert the energy, go through the steps. We want the results here and now, no waiting, no hassle, "no problemas". 

But God didn't intend for things to come easily; for us to obtain everything we wanted at the wiggle of our nose, and a blink of the eye. We are supposed to go through trials, gain the knowledge, and wisdom, the discernment we need as much as we need for what we go through. Yet we still get frustrated. We get frustrated with our lives, and the problems we have, when all that comes from them is blessing and growth. Both mentally, and when looking to and seeking out God through them, spiritually.

If I was to skip all of the steps that comes with having brotherly love, such as knowledge and self-control, I wouldn't know how to do it. I might think I know of the ways to show my brother, or sister that I love them, but in all honesty, I would be completely lost. There's a reason Peter described these things adding onto each as he did. You cannot have the next without the former. You cannot obtain knowledge and use it to benefit others unless you have virtue. You cannot have self-control without the knowledge of what to do to maintain it. You wouldn't be able to persevere in self-control without first having the knowledge of it. You wouldn't be able to obtain godliness without exercising the perseverance of self-control. You wouldn't be able  to show brotherly kindness without practicing self-control and persevering in it. And brotherly love stems from brotherly kindness, as when putting another first grows the appreciation and love for them that you would have otherwise, based off nature, focused on yourself. 

God knows best.

I sometimes get  frustrated wishing I could have all the knowledge and discernment I wished here and now. But I have all that I need. God only gives you as much as you need at the times that you need it, and we can thank Him for that! For with great knowledge comes great responsibility.. And I can only handle that a little at a time! 

My desire is to ask God only for what He desires for me to have, here and now, and for all of my life. For Him to guide me with that which He has already given me, and to use discernment with what He will bless me with in the future. As for today, I am going to seek each trial as something to grow from, and take it all step by step.

It Happened Again..

It happened again.

I got focused on my daily agenda, and I neglected time in the Word.. I neglected time in fellowship before starting my day, and my mind drifted slowly, but surely, away from being constantly in communication with my Father.

"That which has been is what will be, that which is done is what will be done; And there is nothing new under the sun.." (Ecclesiastes 1:9)

So this isn't the first time this has occurred, and I do what I normally do to rekindle the flame in my soul.. read my devotionals and a solid chapter from one of Paul's letters.

And God is faithful.. Even when I am not.

In my devotion from Jesus Calling by Sarah Young I'm stopped by the words: "Trust me enough to spend ample time with Me, pushing back the demands of the day.." Demands of the day.. The first demand I can think of is my hunger pains. Spending time with my Jesus should come even before eating my breakfast.. So that's one thing I can do.. Vow to spend time in the word before eating breakfast.. If I don't, no breakfast for this girl!

"..Man shall not live on bread alone but by every word that proceeds from the mouth of God." (Matthew 4:4)

Thank you Lord, for Your steady hand.. A revelation, and motivation to keep seeking after You, even when my heart isn't completely in it, YOU bless obedience!

"But he who looks into the perfect law of liberty and continues in it, and is not a forgetful hearer but doer of the work, this one will be blessed in what he does."
(James 1:25)

"And we know that all things work together for the good of those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose."
(Romans 8:28)

You're Welcome Here

Every week Brooke McClain takes her Friday mornings to spend time discipling us three interns, as we study the book of Romans, and read Crazy Love (or for me, loco amor) by Francis Chan. It has been an incredible blessing, and aid to all of us girls, as we have been here to have her here to be able to share and glean from her as a confident and friend.

This morning, we were discussing our reading of Romans chapter 13 and sharing certain verses that stood out to us. Verses 8-10 all stood out to us, but in different ways. Brooke shared how her Bible led her to the footnote of verse 10: "..you shall love your neighbor as yourself," quoting the Old Testament Leviticus chapter 19. This chapter shared of the moral and ceremonial laws in which God gave to the Israelites to follow soon after their escape from Egypt. In this chapter, connected to Romans 13:10, was verse 34 of Leviticus 19. It is written, "The stranger who lives among you shall be to you as one born among you, and you shall love him as yourself.." This we read, as a call from God to love others, because that is what we owe. We owe others only love, which has been bestowed to us through the sacrificing atonement of Jesus Christ.

This discussion from the morning came to my mind tonight during the youth group of Capilla del Calvario: called La Roca. This group meets every Friday night for a Bible Study and games, and consists regularly of about 10-12 teenage boys and one girl. The  intern girls and I have also made this a regular thing to attend this youth group, to connect with the youth in the community of Villarreal, develop more relationships, and help in whatever way we can. Tonight at youth group there was one slight difference. There was a boy there who had never been before (to my former knowledge). He was a visiting cousin from San Jose. 

The talk with Brooke came to mind as we all joked and laughed, playing familiar games. From the looks of it, you would never know there was anyone there who wasn't a regular. All of the kids were welcoming, treating the boy as if they had known him their whole lives. I was in awe. I recalled the time I spent back at my home church, when I had gone to youth group one night between my time at the Ranch and Costa Rica. I recall feeling awkward. Besides the established friendships I had before, no one talked to me.. People knew of the program I was involved in, but no one asked me anything about it. I met no one new. This isn't a condemnation to the youth group at my home church, for I know fully well I could have reached out to others and developed new acquaintances or friends in that time. My sole point is to share how it probably doesn't even cross most kid's minds to reach out to someone new. Or even someone who they've seen a few times, and have never actually talked to. There is the assumption that it is the job of someone else to make new people feel welcome. But God directs us to treat outsiders as our own. To love the stranger as a brother. And  to this we are indebted, so the need to do so is dire. To follow the example of Christ in our lives, and show Him to others as God calls us to.. Always pouring out love, making people feel welcome, and in turn, building relationships, building up the body of Christ.

This, all in the span of one day. How incredible is our God? I seem to be always surprised by the beauty revealed to me through serving in Costa Rica.

I aim to make people feel welcome. Whenever I see or notice a new person at an event or group, I long to show the love of Christ as I am commanded in Romans 10, owing no one anything except for the love which my Father has gifted to me.

"Return to Me"

Living in Costa Rica brings God's blessings in ways I couldn't have imagined. It brings opened doors, and a visit to visit a new, but already dear, sister in Christ in a nearby city. It allows the opportunity to worship God with one of few spanish worship bands in Costa Rica.

It's times like these where I'm blown away by God's mercy, for His plans for my life to be revealed, and for His presence to overflow.

In a crowded room, hundreds of voices lifted high, an already beautiful language is made angelic when blended in praises to the King, I'm reminded of the promises of Heaven. I'm reminded of the glory that awaits me where I get to spend eternity singing "alabanzas" (praises) to the Creator of the stars.

When overwhelmed with passion for my almighty Father, arms stretched high, and voice hoarse from crying out, I dare ask Him a favor.. I dare ask Him to fill me up. Fill me up with His Spirit, and His love. His compassion, and His desire for others to know Him. I dare ask this of the God of the universe... The maker of my heart, the one who gave it all so I might live. I dare ask a favor from One who has already given me everything, and yet, owed me nothing.

And He loves me enough to respond.

And when He does, it's not in the way I expect, but in His perfect way.. Always in His perfect will which is never one I can imagine in my feeble mind.

He tells me, "Get on your knees", and I shrink down, in reverence to my most high Father, obedient to His call, to worship with my face on the ground, as this is what I am worthy of.

"I will fill you, but I need to empty you first."

These unexpected words send the body into uncontrollable sobs. The truth that had been tucked away now spills itself onto the floor like the saltwater streaming down burning cheeks.

You abuse His love.. You read your Bible to gain knowledge for acceptance in the eyes of men.. Your pride is so strong, you judge others for what you excuse yourself from.. You've trampled His love-letters and have been waiting for another to write better.. You want happiness for others as long as it entails happiness for yourself.. You think you can earn grace.. You don't trust that He can use you.. You're lost.


The thoughts pour like sands in the hourglass, jumbled together, failures, and worries, and disappointments alike. Until I can't grasp any of them, and I release the fists that have been clenched so tightly to release these traps of the devil. Things of the flesh that rip me away from my Savior and don't allow me to see His plan for my life. Things that don't allow me to see what He sees in me, a lost and broken lamb, seeking mercy from my God.. Seeking love my Daddy.. Acceptance from my Friend. He is all of these, and more. And with my face to the ground, and my palms facing upward I hear him whisper, ever so gently..

"You're my daughter, and no matter how much you despise my name, I've already given my only son so you can be forever mine. I will be here with arms open wide when once again you realize your need for Me. Return to me.. my nail-scarred hands are stretched wide."