December 12, 2011

Galatians 4:11

"I am afraid for you, lest I have labored for you in vain."

Just last night Karlee, Janessa and I made dinner together, and were talking about how we could grow closer as a team. We have been struggling with that lately, as Janessa came later to Costa than Karlee and I. After some discussion, and with issues somewhat settled between us, I shared with the girls the notes I had taken from Pastor Phil McKay's message earlier that night (the other two girls were helping in the nursery, and weren't able to hear). I was excited to be able to share because the message is completely in spanish, and it has been a growing process for me in learning the language to understand and be able to then apply the message shared..

This verse wasn't one that Pastor Phil shared in his message. However, when I was searching for the actual verses to read to the girls I accidentally read this one instead of those that were correct. I had to chuckle with myself.. God did it again. One of the topics that us girls had discussed was the point that Karlee and I had come to Costa before Janessa, and had had time to share with one another, and to truly become close. We knew that this was able to happen because we lived together, and have been able to struggle through more things together than we ever imagined we'd have to. When Karlee and I shared with Janessa why we had grown so close, and suggested having one of us trade apartments with her so she could live with one of us and then the other over time, she didn't seem too fond of the idea. This was more-so because she had become accustomed to living by herself. It caused for some frustration when Karlee and I explained God had given us a peace about the decision to move us around (we both had been praying about it, separately, for some time), and that it would really help us unite as a team.

This verse was coincidentally just as we were feeling.. That we were afraid we had labored in vain. Karlee and I have experienced so much, grown and gleaned from one another through the trials we've gone through. The process of becoming closer was by no means, an easy one, for either of us, and God has really shown Himself present in our friendship through what we've been through. Now with Janessa joining, what we've seen, been through, and the things we've learned that have really helped us to be a team are almost diminished because we're starting all over again with a new member. That's not a problem, it's a growing process, and it has been on our hearts to make ourselves as willing to be close as possible because, as Karlee emphasizes, "there's a reason God put us all three here in Costa Rica at the same time..."

Janessa is in prayer as to what God will show her to do, whether He tells her she is fine living next door with her own time but still visiting Karlee and I every so often, or one of us moving, and doing the same thing ourselves. Whatever God shows her, I know He will give her a peace about it. It's just my prayer that I would be able to have a peace about what she decides too, and that it's the best thing for us as a team, lest Karlee and I have labored in vain to become as close as sisters to make our team the best it can be.

IBS-What Excuse Do You Have?

December 11, 2011

Luke 3:8

"Therefore, bear fruit worthy of repentance, and do not begin to say to yourselves, 'We have Abraham as our Father.' For I  say to you that God is able to raise up children of Abraham from these stones."

I haven't been keeping up with my IBS's lately, and have been finding it difficult to do so. I've been finding it difficult to do many things as I've been here on the mission field in Costa Rica. I have a hard time communicating with people back home(limited internet and calling time or service), helping my sister plan for her wedding in June, buying Christmas gifts for my new loved ones here, and just plain balancing living with the daily workload (How's that for a glimpse into my new life, hey?). While sitting in the cool, fresh air this morning, fellowshipping with my Father, and reading the gospel of Luke, I read this verse in chapter three. When I first read the verse, the very last part of it stood out to me, but after reading it and milling it over multiple times, the whole thing tugged on my "heartstrings". Firstly, the beginning, "bear fruits worthy of repentance.." A command, through John, from God, to us. To always be bearing fruit in our daily walks with the Father, and for that fruit to be worthy of repentance.. Worthy of repentance. What a concept. I usually combine this with meaning that there is something done wrong that needs to be acknowledged and repented for, yet John says.. bear fruit? Bearing fruit that is rotten and bad and harmful? No, here he must mean fruit that is worthy of bringing to the Father. When the fruit we bear, the things we do, the thoughts we think and the words we say are able to be worthy to be placed at the feet of Jesus and when we are worthy to hear the words, "Well done my good and faithful servant". Then, there are fruits worthy of repentance.The evidence of my life in Christ laid at the foot of His throne.

The second part, "do not begin to say to yourselves, 'We have Abraham as our Father.'" stands out to me as a rebuke. "Don't use your forefather's name as an excuse to continue with what you've been doing. Don't say that to let yourselves off the hook as having to do anything worthy of God's praise because your forefather was "holy" enough to make up for the rest of you.." We have no excuse. Just as we have had Abraham, and Noah, men who followed God with their lives as our ancestors, we also are sons of Adam, the one who led all men to fall. We have no excuse to use such as "I am a Christian, therefore I believe Christ has saved me from my sin, and I can continue to live in it". This is not so. We have no excuse, and just as John preached, so we shall live the life that is void of excuses, void of reasons to not do our Father's will.

The last part really enforces the  inability to use excuses while also emphasizing the real power of our true Lord and Savior. "For I  say to you that God is able to raise up children of Abraham from these stones.." God really has the power to do anything. He can bring light to the darkness, give the dead life, make the lame walk, and the blind see. Is there anything He cannot do? He doesn't need us to fulfill what He desires to be done on Earth, after all, He established the earth, the Heavens and everything in between... But He chooses to use us. He CHOOSES to not make His children out of the rocks of the earth, and use US instead.. Sinners, downtrodden, constantly failing Him and turning our backs on His beautiful gift of grace and mercy.

I am determined to finish the book loco amor by Francis Chan while I am here, in the next couple weeks, and also to reach out and invite someone new to Calvary Chapel Villarreal, to spread the good news of Christ, without using excuse that I can't do it, because my God, will use me. He will use me, to create His children instead of instead using stones.

IBS-Excluding Boasting

Romans 3:27

"Where is boasting then? It is excluded. By what law? Of works? No, but by the law of faith."

The previous verses in this chapter, speak of the righteousness of God given by faith alone because "all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God" (v. 23). Related also to Paul's statement in this letter to the Romans was the emphasis of not having the power or right to judge others. In reading this the Holy Spirit convicts the reader to see that we have no right to boast of something that we had no part in gaining. There was never anything we did to receive the grace of God. Every man is a sinner from birth and because we are living by faith and according to God's mercy there is no law in which we can boast. Jesus Christ, taking away the sins of the world with His death and resurrection has fulfilled the law, and the faith we have in believing this, is all we can offer. Because of His love and passion for His creation, our Father in Heaven has shown us the true power of faith, and believing in Him.

As I am in Costa Rica I am shown more and more how works and acts of service are not what save people. Costa Rica was recently was surveyed and found as the happiest country in the world. Everyone's happy, and nice! No fear, no army, no hurt, no problems, right? Wrong. There is so much more to this place than beaches and tourist surf shops. There are the Ticos(Costa Ricans), struggling to buy groceries that cost the same as the United States while they receive a salary that is about half of the minimum wage of the States. There are illegal immigrants from Nicaragua, Colombia, and the Dominican Republic,  living 4 families in one house to escape the trouble in their own country, just to find that trouble is everywhere. I have seen just a glimpse of the trials these people endure since I have been here in early October. And my heart breaks for these people. They are happy, yes, but there are so many searching souls that don't have the love of a merciful and forgiving God. Their Catholic backgrounds don't reveal to them the true mercy and peace that comes with Jesus Christ, and their actions are what they boast in. They're "happy", but they're not at peace. There is only so much that can be boasted in with works, and thankfully, God shows us the true boasting is only able to be done in the faith we have in Jesus Christ. 

This week I want to be able to share Christ with one of the kids in the Potter's Field Program without putting the emphasis on works. I want to show them the healing God can give that comes through believing in Him.

Update from Costa

For all of you who have been reading my blogs, I made a video of Karlee and I's first week in Costa, and it's on Youtube! To view the video, click here

Enjoy! There are more to come!

Confession..

Okay, so I'm a little behind on my blogs.. But I've just got to share with everyone who is following me that I LOVE Costa Rica. It is absolutely beautiful here! Day one consisted of a trip to the beach (hanging out with Matt and Brooke with their amazing kids as well as Katie), cleaning the apartment, killing about 8 cockroaches (simply the beginning of the infestation), meeting a ton of awesome kids at youth group (playing ping-pong, learning spanish and joking around.. so good :)), and eating delicious pizza from a food vendor.. Oh my dear.. I don't ever want to leave. :)

IBS-Baptized with the Holy Spirit

Oct. 12, 2011

Mark 1:8

"I indeed baptize you with water, but He will baptize you with the Holy Spirit.'"

One of the most argued topic in Christianity is the act of baptism. There is argument of whether one should be baptized as an infant, or when one accepts Christ as their Lord and Savior at an older age. These and other variations are constantly argued, and I have seen it time and time again, growing up in the Apostolic Lutheran Church. Being older, and able to read and comprehend God's word on my own, I determine, what does the Bible say about this? I clearly see that in this passage John is saying that he baptizes with water, but there is one who will baptize with the Holy Spirit. My interpretation of this is that John is baptizing the people with what he can. He is showing a cleansing of their hearts through a cleansing of the body. He is stating that although this is a great thing, what Christ will do is much greater. He will bring the Holy Spirit to cleanse their body, mind, and soul. To be a guide and a comfort all their days of following Christ. That Christ has a much deeper baptism into Him than simply the dunking into a body of water as the representation in front of God and man that the person has chosen to follow Christ. Jesus will give them the Spirit to always be cleansing their hearts of things impure and filling them instead with things of God. That the baptizing of the body does not bring salvation, but baptizing of the heart, and entering of the Holy Spirit is ultimately what changes oneself.

I want to always look at my choice to be baptized as an adult as my promise to God that I will obey His gift to me: the Holy Spirit. To look upon Sept. 23, 2011 as a day of a seal between me and Christ that I will follow Him with everything I am, and always seek Him for discernment with full confidence in His Spirit and His word, and His truth on the choices that I am to make in my life, now and forevermore.

"Now the Lord is the Spirit; and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty." 2 Corinth.  3:17

"Now thanks be to God who always leads us in triumph in Christ, and through us diffuses the fragrance of His knowledge in every place."

2 Corinth. 2:14

IBS-Not Worthy

Oct. 11, 2011

Mark 1:7

"And he preached, saying, 'There comes One after me who is mightier than I, whose sandal strap I am not worthy to stoop down and loose."

We are not worthy to even loose God's sandal strap, John shares. We are not worthy to take off the dirtiest article and wash his feet. We're only servants of Christ because of what He has done for us. We're not good enough to do anything for our Lord. We could never do anything to make ourselves deserving of the gift He has given us: eternal life with Him. "For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God."  I must thank God for his mercy and grace that He has poured out on me, on all of us. So that I can serve Him as I so desire to do, without having to worry that I cannot because I am not worthy. I know I am not, but He sees me through His son, who was worthy, and bore all of my sins, so I could live with Him in His kingdom forever. Thank you, Jesus!!

I am going to remind myself today, whenever I think I need to do something do be deemed worthy of a life with God that I am not worthy as it is, and nothing I can do could earn me what He has so freely given. That there is nothing I have that I deserve and that I did not receive.

IBS-Roughing It

Oct. 10, 2011

Mark 1:6

"Now John was clothed with camel's hair and with a leather belt around his waist, and he ate locusts and wild honey."

John was roughing it. He was willing to be in the wilderness, and not have luxuries in order to speak through his life of the sacrifices he made to follow Christ. Clothed in camel's hair.. I would rather have cotton. Eating locusts? Are those those massive grasshoppers the size of small birds? I'll take a turkey sandwich. Wow, I am spoiled. I have never sacrificed anything like John did in order to speak the wonders of Christ. I want to trust that God will provide for my every need, even if it means having to live a few days (or months) eating strange things, and living in uncomfortable situations (or extreme heat!!). 

I am extremely excited to be going to Costa Rica Thursday night, but I also know it's going to be a crazy time. It will be a time of growth, and weakness, leaning on God, and relying on Him to provide the strength to get me through each struggle. I am going to pray for God to prepare my heart for when I go down there and to guide me through each time of confusion and chaos, to trust that His will, not mine, be done.

IBS-Living the Gospel

Oct. 7, 2011

Mark 1:5

"Then all the land of Judea, and those from Jerusalem, went out to him and were all baptized by him in the Jordan River, confessing their sins."

Everyone was so moved by the works of Jesus Christ that they went out to John, in the wilderness, repenting. They went to him. This shows to me that John didn't have to travel from city to city and preach the gospel, but that he could go into the wilderness and the believers in Christ would find out where he was just to become baptized and repent of their sins. They were willing to go the whole nine miles… Seeking out one who spoke of Christ, going to where he was so they could repent to him, and be cleansed. That is powerful. I want my message of Christ to speak so strongly that people will seek me out, led by the Holy Spirit to ask me more about my relationship with him, and how to have a closer and deeper relationship with Christ themselves.

I need to delve into the gospels of Christ. The words of Matthew, Mark, Luke and John, to study them more. For my devotionals I want to read a couple chapters of the gospel, use my New Testament study guide, issued to me by Potter's Field Ranch, and listen to a message by Pastor Joe Focht to get more insight into the life of Christ so I may be able to live by His teachings and more people will seek out cleansing and a life for Christ. 

IBS-Baptizing

Oct. 6, 2011

Mark 1:4

"John came baptizing in the wilderness and preaching a baptism of repentance for the remission of sins."

I observe a few different things in this verse. First, the placement of this story. It immediately follows the further quoted command to prepare the way for the Lord. John was preparing the way for the Lord in the way He was called to do, baptizing people into the faith. He also went into the wilderness, I'm sure, fully aware of the discomfort that would occur in living there. He went far into the wilderness because God called him to, and he went willingly. Lastly, I notice, the preaching a baptism of repentance for the remission of sins. In order for our sins to be forgiven we must fully repent, and be aware of what we've done wrong, and want to change, so that we no longer are clothed in sin, but washed clean, and wearing the breastplate of righteousness.

I am going to pray and meditate on how I can prepare the way for Jesus to come again. I am going to pray that God sends me divine  appointments so I can share His word. I want to rely 100% on His Spirit to guide me in the words to say to others to point the focus all to Christ who we so desperately need. I want to not be afraid to go where He leads me, no matter where that is, so His will may be done in my life, regardless of my personal preference and comfort. I want to repent immediately of all sins I have committed, such as consciously neglecting His word and time with Him. I want to lead by example, and not merely by the words of my mouth but the actions of my body, spirit, and the heart, or mindset behind it all, that I am doing everything to simply bring glory to Christ, and nothing for my own gain. 

2 Corinthians 13:5 "Examine yourselves as to whether you are in the faith. Test yourselves. Do you not know yourselves, that Jesus Christ is in you?"

IBS-Prepare the way of the Lord

Oct. 5, 2011

Mark 1:3

The voice of one crying in the wilderness: 'Prepare the way of the Lord; Make His paths straight""

Isaiah 40:3 "The voice of one crying in the wilderness: 'Prepare the way of the Lord; Make straight in the desert A highway for our God'" is what this verse is referring to. Isaiah 40 was inspired by God to Isaiah the prophet to tell the people of Jerusalem that they could be comforted, and to instead of fretting, prepare the way for One who has all peace and comfort. This commandment is a prophesy of Jesus Christ, so when Mark restates this in Mark 1:2-3, he is then introducing the prophesy fulfilled. What gets me about God saying this is that we are the ones who need God to make our path's straight. We depend on Him for every need, and we require complete surrender of ourselves in order to be able to live wholly for Him. So God does have some things He would like for us to do, huh? Even though Jesus has already came and we are saved I believe we can be reminded of God's call to prepare a way for His second coming, when He will take us to be with Him in the clouds forever.

I need to remind myself that my life has not yet begun. That this world has nothing for me, and that I should be living for Jesus, and not myself. I need to remember that what Shaylene wants, feels, thinks she needs, or desires is not all that necessary in order to fulfill Christ's commission, so not to get distracted and stay focused on the One who truly has prepared a place for me on high.

IBS-Messenger

Oct. 4, 2011

Mark 1:2

"As it is written in the Prophets: "Behold I send my messenger before Your face, Who will prepare Your way before You."

The thing I notice in this verse is that the "Y"s in "Your" and "You" are capitalized. This, meaning of course, that the one being spoken to is God. Since this is the beginning of Mark's gospel of Christ, one would believe this is written to all believers. It is, obviously, but we are not esteemed so high as to have the words "You" and Your" be capitalized when being addressed by God. Only Christ himself deserves that honor. So I see this as Mark referring to Jesus, with the messenger, then, being us. So we must go out and, being obedient to God's call, prepare the way on this earth for our Jesus, preaching His name to all the nations, and teaching His ways to all the saints.

I need to read truly dedicate myself to my daily devotions. Being at home I am filled with distractions beyond belief, whereas I neglect my daily reading and meditating on the word. I need to spend this fellowship with Jesus each day so my relationship with Him does not falter, and I am able to prepare His way as I am commanded.

IBS-All About Christ

Oct. 3, 2011

Mark 1:1

"The beginning of the gospel of Jesus Christ, the Son of God."

This is the beginning of the apostle Mark's testimony of Jesus Christ. The beginning of His observations of the Son of God. Mark doesn't dodge the bullets when getting to the point, he just outrightly states it. This is what he testifies, this is what he stands for. I admire his boldness and bluntness. Were I to write an account of my relationship with Jesus Christ I would probably start with my own testimony, interceding with Jesus and His power and mercy in my life. Would I initially start with introducing the most important person in my life? Without taking the though captive to the obedience of Christ, probably not. I want to though.

When I start to tell anyone of my testimony, especially being at home, sharing with many the stories of the wonders Christ has revealed to me through my three months of training at Potter's Field Ranch, I aim to begin by pointing the glory to Christ. All glory, honor, power is His, Amen.

IBS-Show Me How

Sept. 30, 2011

Psalm 23:6

"Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me All the days of my life; And I will dwell in the house of the Lord Forever."

Confidence in God's gifts, in His plans and presence. David truly didn't doubt what God's word. David knew He would be living with God for eternity, and he would have fulfillment. 

God, how does this relate to my own life? Show me, Lord. I want to know you, to have an intimate relationship with you, for you to be my best friend, so that if someone asks me about you I can speak without stumbling, and share with them your wonderful ways.

I want to be more transparent in my blogs. I want people to read them, and be able to experience what I'm experiencing as if they're right here with me, through the trials, confusion, triumphs and convictions. Help me to make myself more open to be able to share my testimony so that I am not hindered from your truth. You were never a closed book. Jesus came and related to all, sharing stories, and lessons and truths about God through whatever He did. I love that everyone who writes their blogs are able to be so open, without fear of judgement, and fear of rejection. I want to be able to do that too, Lord. Show me how.

IBS-His Banner Over Me is Love

Sept. 29, 2011

Psalm 23:5

"You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; You anoint my head with oil; My cup runs over.

With this verse my mind is brought to Song of Solomon 2:4; "He brought me to His banqueting table. His banner over me is love". The classic hymn echoes in my head. Funny how just yesterday, while cleaning the administration building during servant time, Kelly was singing this very song. I had joined her, joyfully recollecting the pleasant tune. How marvelous God's banqueting table must be. I bet it's filled with only the most delicious foods, and surrounded by the most captivating people. And to think God prepares all of this amidst enemies. Among the ones who are most adamant about being against Him, the ones who tear me down, rip me apart, shove me on my face and cause me to stumble. When I am at my lowest, God is preparing me a place of peace, rest, contentment at His table with Him. In the middle of these trials He anoints us with His Holy Spirit. Not only does He have a safe haven at the end of these troubles, but in the middle of them He provides a comfort, a guide. My cup truly does run over. I am so undeserving of all of the blessings I have: the Holy Spirit, and a Father who knows what's best for me, and what awaits me when the day is done. I have done nothing to attain what I have been given, and so truly, my cup is not only full, but I live abundantly in Him. 

I want to live, as Pastor Steve quoted Warren Wiersbe Tuesday night at chapel, with heaven as a motivation, not simply a destination, for I know I am overly blessed, and still my Father prepares for me a seat at His table because "His banner over me is love."

IBS-He is With Me

Sept. 28, 2011

Psalm 23:4

"Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; For You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me."

The valley of the shadow of death. The place where evil dwells, the depths of despair where when one is there, they believe they're alone and God has deserted them. Relating to my own life, the closest I have ever been to this place is durning the points of despair where I have cried out to God, accusing Him of desertion. But He is with me. No matter where I am. Omnipresent. Not only is He present, but He holds the rod: protection, and the staff: guidance. He doesn't simply walk beside me through the valleys, but He is there with mechanisms for survival. In Him, death cannot flourish, for He is life. Anything that even compares to the valley is diminished in His glory and presence.

I want to remember, when I am at my lowest that my Savior has never abandoned me. Today I am going to memorize this Psalm.

IBS-Restored

Sept. 27, 2011

Psalm 23:3

"He restores my soul; He leads me in the paths of righteousness for His name's sake."

My life is a roller coaster ride of happiness, sorrow, joy, and despair. When I find my relationship with God faltering, if I haven't been in constant prayer, or my devotionals begin to get a little lax. My spirits sink, knowing I need time with my Lord. It's at these moments when I find myself on my knees, begging for forgiveness. He tenderly reminds me that all is forgiven, and a peace settles within me. He restores my soul. Although these times are when I feel like I have drifted away from the Lord He continues to walk by my side. He leads me in paths of  righteousness. In Him I cannot stumble or fall. I am lifted from the ashes. For Him, with Him, and through Him do I live, to make His name great. 

I desire to spend more time in the Word. I want to read my Bible, having devotions before I go to bed, as well as when I rise every morning. Meditating on His word day and night.

IBS-No Wants

Sept. 26, 2011

Psalm 23:1-2

"The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He makes me to lie down in green pastures; He leads me beside the still waters."

Above everything, God is in control. Because He takes care of everything I don't have anything more to gain. I should have nothing more I desire, and nothing I long for. There's ultimately nothing to worry about. So why do I doubt that He will lead the way and that way will be beside still waters? "Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen." (Hebrews 11:1) I'll admit, I don't have that kind of faith. I doubt God sometimes. I doubt that He will bring me peace until I am actually at the place where the grass is green and waters calm. Like to the nobleman in John 4 who wanted Jesus to heal his sick son, Jesus says to all of us, "Unless you people see signs and wonders, you will by no means believe." (John 4:48). God knows me so well :) This is how my mind works. I have no idea how I am going to attain the $4,000 I still need for the rest of my time in this program, and I fear burdening Potter's Field to pick up the slack of  providing the money I do not have. God knows all of this, and I am promised that things will work out: "And we know that all things work together for the good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose." (Romans 8:28). I need to have faith that God will bring in the money I need. I want to continue to serve, love and get to know God every day, to trust in His wonders before they have even occurred, so I can be confident He will lead me where the grass is lush. 

I am going to pray for God to reveal to me the way in which I can obtain the remaining money for my trip, to have complete faith that He will provide, and know that everything will work out because I love Him. 

IBS-Accomplished

Sept. 23, 2011

Isaiah 55:10-11

"'For as the rain comes down, and the 

snow from heaven,

And do not return there,

But water the earth,

And make it bring forth and bud,

That it may give seed to the sower

And bread to the eater,

So shall My word be that goes forth

from My mouth;

It shall not return Me void,

But it shall accomplish what I please,

And it shall prosper in the thing for

which I sent it.'"

The word of God provides all the nourishment to our souls that we desire. It is bread when we're hungry. It is rain to our dry crops. It is constant, and sure. It never ceases to give us what we need, and yet we seek counsel from elsewhere. We try things our own ways and end up finding out that, yes, God knows best. If we had just read this verse, or sought God on that subject, we probably wouldn't put ourselves through half of the struggles that we suffer through. God's word does not return void. What He ordained for it to do, will happen. Not only that, but God promises it will prosper in the ways in which He sent it. The only thing that will truly help. My advice to others is so minimal. It can only reach so far, and accomplish so much. When God's word does everything He intended for it to do.

If anyone seeks me for advice, I long to point them toward God's word, and not tell them something from my own knowledge alone. I aim to address verse references, and stories in the Bible to anyone who needs encouragement or a good word because I know it will go farther than anything I can do for them.

Verse of the day: "Depart from me all you workers of iniquity; For the Lord has heard my weeping. The Lord has heard my supplication; The Lord will receive my prayer." Psalm 6:8

IBS-"My Ways are Higher"

Sept. 22, 2011

Isaiah 55:9

"'For as the heavens are higher than the earth,

So are My ways higher than your ways,

And my thoughts than your thoughts.'"

First my thoughts aren't God's thoughts.. And now He's giving this fact emphasis? Alright, note taken. His thoughts are far beyond anything I can comprehend, His ways are much higher than my ways. What He deems possible, is. I suffer with self-doubt. I'm not good enough to be in the ministry God. I can't handle this situation, I don't have the strength. I don't have the right words to say to this hurting person, I'm not the person for the job. The list goes on.. A never-ending trail of incompetence. I thank God His ways are higher than mine, because if my God were one who doubted His ways, then we'd all have a problem. I am always reminded of His strength and His power, how much higher His thoughts are than mine, when He tells me I can do what He has planned. It's that much better when His ways are made complete, and He uses me, this empty vessel, worth nothing on it's own, and fills it with His expensive ointment, His knowledge, His ways.

Again, as we began IBS, I am reminded of God's thoughts, so much higher than mine. Yesterday I decided to memorize a new verse. To memorize the verse I write it daily, on my arm. A constant reminder to memorize my verse for the day. Olivia, looking over my shoulder, stated, "Be angry..?" as she read it, I furrowed my brow, "No, that's not what it says.." looked down to see that's exactly what it said. I had began to write a different verse I had underlined, subconsciously. "Oops.. I guess that was God doing that.. Maybe I'll need this verse today instead," I laughed, thinking, How odd, I'm not mad in any way at anyone.. Later when IBS began, Pastor John dubbed me leader of the Costa Rica group. As leadership is not something I am confident in, I was hesitant to step up and take charge. Karlee, being a natural leader, stepped up without a second thought and pointed out my insecurity. I felt the little authority I had and with the lack of confidence in it, I had just been undermined. A burst of anger shot to my throat, and it took a moment of Psalm 4:4 flashing through my mind to remind me to stay calm. I was frustrated, and distraught, and it took God's works, in His own way, for me to stifle my own desires of snapping and staying collected. Thank you, Jesus! (Don't you fret, ye readers.. Karlee and I discussed this incident later, clearing up any confusion, and frustration the situation had caused. Thank you for sisters through the blood of your son, God! :) )

I need to be slow to speak, slow to anger in defense of feeling incompetent. I want to, when I notice anger arising, stop and meditate on who God is making me to be, and not on the person who I think I am. 

Verse of the day: "Be angry and do not sin. Meditate within your heart , on your bed and be still. Selah." Psalm 4:4

IBS-"Your Ways are Not My Ways"

Sept. 21, 2011

Isaiah 55:8

"'For my thoughts are not your thoughts,

Nor are your ways My ways," says the

Lord."

God is God and I am not. For this, I am incredibly thankful. I would never, in my power be able to do a smidgen of what God does. Actually, I can't do anything without His Spirit guiding me the entire way, so I know without a doubt that I can't do anything. This is the overall reality, but my flesh sometimes tries to convince me otherwise. It allows the devil to whisper that the actions I am doing and the thoughts I am thinking are the right ways, even when they contradict what God has ordained. When I act off of my own judgements, I know they are not what I should be doing, for I should be seeking the Kingdom of God and all other desires will fade away.. 

I want to, every day, memorize a verse that really speaks to me in my devotional. I want to have God's ways imprinted on my heart, so I don't in any way try to do anything by my own  judgement but follow His commands. 

Verse of the day: Proverbs 3:11-12 "My son, do not despise the chastening of the Lord, Nor detest His correction. For whom the Lord  loves He corrects, Just as a father, his son in whom he delights."

IBS-Running into His Arms

Sept. 20, 2011

Isaiah 55:7

"Let the wicked forsake his way,

And the unrighteous man his thoughts;

Let him return to the Lord,

And He will have mercy on him;

And to our God,

For He will abundantly pardon."

Oh God, take me back. Take me back even though I neglect you so constantly, and selfishly!  I yearn to know you more, Lord! I am returning to you! Your servant longs to spend time in your presence, and glean from your knowledge and wisdom my Father. I am so undeserving.. I am on my knees, once again, begging for forgiveness and pardon. You pick me up. You cradle me in your arms as I weep uncontrollably. I am unable to contain my thankfulness and praise for You, and You alone, Lord. How amazing that You want me to know You more, to know the love You have for me.. You want me to know You and to know that I am Yours. Thank you for filling the gap that sin created, giving such a large sacrifice so that I am able to sing and shout with Glory to my Savior with no fear of death or the grave!

I am running into the arms of my Savior.. He has been waiting for me. 

Proverbs 2:3-6

"Yes, if you cry out for discernment, And lift up your voice for understanding, If you seek her as silver, And search for her as for hidden treasures; Then you will understand the fear of the Lord, And find the knowledge of God. For the Lord gives wisdom; From His mouth come knowledge and understanding."

IBS-While He is Near

Sept. 19, 2011

Isaiah 55:6

"Seek the Lord while He may be found, 

Call upon Him while He is near."

 I think about how all of the pastors here at Potter's Field emphasize that God isn't any more present than anywhere else at Potter's Field Ranch, just as He isn't more present at a church service, or camp. But yet people always tack onto going to these events as being "more spiritual" and feeling "God's presence closer than ever." But the thing is, God is omnipresent. He is everywhere at all times, never more or less present than anywhere else. So why does Isaiah tell us to "Seek Him while He may be found and call upon Him while He is near"? This made me think.. Does Isaiah think that God is closer sometimes, and distant at other times? Obviously not. Isaiah was a smart guy. A prophet after all. He knew what He was writing seemed to contradict the characteristics of God when taken literally. But he also knew the context in which he wrote them. At church camp, or here at Potter's Field, the mind is cleared of the distractions of this world. It's not that God is any more present, but that our minds, when placed in these settings, are cleared, and we seek God more fervently. Isaiah is calling for us to take the opportunity, when we have a chance to clear our schedule of the outside world, to grab that time, and take hold of it. Use it to quiet the racing mind, and worrisome soul, and look upon Him while we have the chance.

I am hesitant to go back home. This isn't because I don't want to see people I love, the community I grew up in, or drive my car. It's because I have had so much time here on the Ranch to seek God while He was able to be found. This "greenhouse", as you will, has enabled me to experience so many trials, of the spirit and flesh, that with help from my brothers and sisters, I was able to face head on.The people I have been with never allow me to take my eyes off of my Lord and Savior, or to let go of His hand while walking through the fire. When I return home, I know I will continue to face trials, and God will still be with me, but going back to a place where if I start to wander I don't get yanked back, but continue to stray, is a terrifying thought.

I am going to seek God, and call upon Him as often as possible before I leave Potter's Field Ranch. I am going to pray for strength and peace about going home, and for discernment as to handle situations that arise. I don't want the devil to seep in, and steal the last couple weeks I have at this wonderful place, so I am going to seek counsel often, and spend time in prayer, and fellowship with the Lord constantly.

IBS-My Duty

Sept. 16, 2011

Luke 17:10

"'"So likewise you, when you have done all those things which you are commanded, say, 'We are unprofitable servants. We have done what was our duty to do.'"

There is so much tacked onto this life. All of the things of this world, of the flesh, seep their way into our minds, and we must fight it day by day. To do the things which were commanded and nothing else is a difficult task. Most of the time we are distracted by other things, such as lusts and ungodly desires. Trailing away from God's commands to do these things would be much like a servant, commanded to dust the living room, and in the middle of the work, flipping through magazines, or watching television. Countless times have I strayed from God's commands. The catchy covers, or favorite sitcoms draw me away from the work God has commanded of me. To be able to focus solely on the task that lies ahead, and not wander off of the path He has laid for me.

This is what I want for me to be able to say: I have done what was my duty to do. My deepest desire is to rid myself of anything I am, anything of the flesh, anything that might distract me, or pull me from God's will. When each day is done. I want to lay on my pillow, content and at rest with a mindset that I have done nothing for profit. I have merely done what the Lord has asked of me, nothing more or less. 

IBS-Motivation

Sept. 15, 2011

Luke 17:9

"'Does he thank that servant because he did the things that were commanded him? I think not.'"

We don't deserve thanks for what we do. So why do we expect it? Because we think we do. Jesus, stating that the servant doesn't receive thanks for what they do, makes it clear that this is normal. Most of the time I do things, expecting praise for my hard work or "sacrifice" we've made by doing the task. I shouldn't need to have that motivation in order to serve or bless others. If we are humble servants of Christ, should we expect to be blessed by Him? I think not. We already owe Him our lives for the sacrifice He paid for us, so if anything, our service should be acts of thanks to Him. 

I want to be content with serving and sacrificing without the mindset that I deserve thanks or to be blessed. I want to make it a habit to do things for my Lord without expecting anything back, or getting upset because no one appreciates what I do. I am going to do something for others this week, anonymously, so I don't receive praise or thanks, or anything in return.

"To God be all the glory, honor and praise, forever and ever, amen."

IBS-Demanding

Sept. 14, 2011

Luke 17:8

"'But will he not rather say to him, 'Prepare something for my supper, and gird yourself and serve me till I have eaten and drunk, and afterward you will eat and drink'?'"

We're eager to have our needs met. We want God to provide for our every need. God, I need help with this. God, I need strength for that. I find the majority of my prayers to be longing for assistance, or provision from my Father, with thanks or praise just tacked on the end. And yet, what I ask for. when it comes down to it, I don't necessarily need. For all I need is Jesus. All I should want in this life is him. As Pastor John Randall stated last night in his message, Matthew 6:33: "Seek ye first the kingdom of God, and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added unto you." So if I seek God first, and give Him the praise, glory, and honor that He truly deserves, everything else that I could possibly need or want, He will provide. After all, the whole universe is His: It's not a difficult task for Him to give me anything at all, but He will. He longs to bless us, and all we need to do is seek Him first. And, ultimately, that is all He asks.  

I am going to make all of my prayers today, praise and glory to Him. Instead of asking for things of this life, I want to seek Him first and foremost. I aim to do this, not solely to praise Him for today, but for all eternity. To make sure giving Him the deserved praise becomes a conscious effort, until I, and myself fade away. All glory be to you Jesus, Amen.

IBS-Heart of My Own Heart

Sept. 13, 2011

Luke 17:7

"'And which of you, having a servant plowing or tending sheep, will say to him, when he has come in from the field, 'Come at once and sit down to eat'?"

"Heart of my own heart, whatever befall, still be my vision, Oh ruler of all." This song echoes in my head as I pray, waiting for, as I told Kayla, "revelation" from the Holy Spirit. This picture that Jesus paints, reminds me of our relationship with the Father. We are the servant, doing His works, for His glory, not personal gain (for we are not workers, but slaves). He is the master. When we are done with the work laid before us,  tired and worn, He says, "Come all you who labor and are heavy-laden and I will give you rest." (Matthew 11:28). I pertain this as Jesus asking us if we will do as the Father. Are we ones to have compassion on those who do work for us, even those "indebted" to us here on this earth? For our Father is ruler of all, and yet He still has compassion, and gives us what we need. Sometimes I feel as if I won't be able to go on. I feel as if the task before me is never-ending, and I won't be able to continue, to make it another day. But God knows more than I. He alone, knows what all I can handle, what is best for me, for He has a heart of my own heart. He knows me inside and out, and as my loving Father, has my best interests at heart. When the day is done, and I am filled with worry, or worn down He just asks me to come, come in from tending the sheep, 'Come at once and sit down to eat." In the way God cares for us, so Jesus asks us, as servants, to be. 

I want to have faith that at the end of the day, when I have been working, physically and emotionally, that God will give me rest. I am determined to get to bed earlier than I have been, so I can soak up the rest God wants to give me, and be faithful to Him, in everything I do, as He is faithful to me. 

IBS-It Takes Faith

Sept. 12, 2011

Luke 17:6

"So the Lord said, 'If you have faith as a mustard seed, you can say to this mulberry tree, 'Be pulled up by the roots and be planted in the sea,'  and it would obey you.'" 

In the previous verse, the disciples ask Jesus, "Increase our faith", and He replied "if you have faith as a mustard seed, you can say to this mulberry tree, 'Be pulled up by the roots and be planted in the sea,'  and it would obey you." A similar response to this question that we still ask, Paul writes in 2 Corinthians 13:5: "Examine yourselves as to whether you are in the faith. Test yourselves." If God blessed me, and just gave me the "faith" to believe  in everything He says He will do, is it really faith at all? God gives us the option to increase our faith. He already did/does the impossible, but it's up to us to believe in Him, what He has done, and what He will do. In His sovereignty, He has already given us the evidence we need to have the faith far larger than a mustard seed, but all He requires is that we simply believe in Him. The rest will come. I see this exhortation of Jesus in the topic of faith, similarly as I see the topic of God's love. If God were to just give us the faith with a snap of His fingers, would we appreciate the faith we were given? Not to put everyone on the same level, some might, but most would not understand the depths of God's love if we simply had it. Just as if we were forced to love God, we wouldn't desire a deep understanding of everything God sacrificed for us, nor would we understand the power of God if we simply believed God would do anything, and we knew without a shadow of a doubt what would happen. In not knowing what is to come, we are placed in the reality, that God is God, and we are not. We don't have the depth of knowledge to comprehend past the surface the good things He has done, and is doing, as well as what He will do in our lives. This growing of our faith is a process, that in order for us to slightly comprehend what He is doing, He allows us to go through things. All the way learning of His perfect way. His perfect plan. His perfect love: giving us, the perfect faith.

When I am faces with trials I want to be willing to face the test. I want to strengthen my faith, and my dependence on God. To show that He really is God, and I am not. To be able to believe in His plan for my life, and trust in Him and His love for me. I want to lay down my future at His feet. To not worry about what I am going to do, but have the faith to know that He will continue to strengthen me, and lead me in this journey, and that His works will be fulfilled through my life. 

IBS-Finally Forgiven

Sept. 10, 2011

Ephesians 4:32

"And be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving one another even as God in Christ forgave you."

This is something I have been struggling with since I first got here. Forgiveness. Most times I am able to forgive without a second thought, giving reasoning behind another's actions, and seeing eye-to-eye. There is one person in particular though, that for quite some time I have felt bitter against. Whenever I share the story of my afflictions with this person with anyone at the ranch I end up in tears. It has torn me apart from the beginning. This person once had an intense relationship with Christ, leading me to accept Him as my Lord and Savior. For some reason, they seemed to have a fallout, not wanting to talk about the gospel, attend church, or reach others with His love. This has hurt me and many others they know deeply, and we've often expressed our concern for them, with sadness in our hearts. When I was at home, I never thought I could voice the things I've experienced with this person, but since being at the ranch I have learned so much. Some of the trials I have gone through while my short time here have been connected to this denied forgiveness on my part.  From previous IBS verses I have felt conviction of the need to treat this person better, to lift them up, edify them, show them the true love of God, and that His love really is radical, and so worth every part of us.

I want to talk to this person. I can't wait until I return home, and can have a deep talk with them, and pour out what has been on my heart for so long. I want to tell them I forgive them for everything they've done, and apologize for the way I have treated them in my bitterness and refusal of forgiveness. If they are reading this, and they know clearly it's for them, I pray they'll give me a call, so I can talk to them and tell them how much I truly do love them.

IBS-Put it Away

Sept. 9, 2011

Ephesians 4:31

"Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice."

This seems to be impossible for me. Anger constantly takes hold of my words, and thoughts, especially if someone I'm talking to is "giving me lip". I want to let the "malice" flow and for them to see how they are acting makes me resent them. It's my natural reaction. Unfortunately this is everyone's natural reaction, so if we all succumbed to such things, then we'd all have never-ending arguments that in no way edify the body of Christ. No one would be built up and the selfishness in all of us would flourish (as if we need to give it leeway to do that, it's already spreading without us acknowledging it!). Just as I write this blog I found myself getting rebuked by a fellow intern. In my flesh, I tried to be coy, and rebuke them right back. That's what the devil wanted. And it left both of us feeling awkward and, I know for myself, bitterness to assemble. God wishes us to let these thoughts go. This involves putting yourself away. I am especially convicted of this when I go into my room later that night, and I read, on a note placed on my bed,  "When… your opinions ridiculed, and you refuse to let anger rise in your heart or even defend yourself, but take it all in patient loving silence. THAT IS DYING TO SELF". I had not been doing that at all, and I don't want my spiteful words to take hold of my actions and create someone who is filled with selfishness.

I want to be able to admit when I let my anger provoke my words. I want to eat a big piece of humble pie with dignity when something arises where I would initially try to "get even" with the things I say. In this way, following God's words of speaking good to my brothers, putting away all bitterness.

IBS-Say "Yes!"

Sept. 8, 2011

Ephesians 4:30

"And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption."

The only other time I have heard the term, "grieve", as it is used here, is regarding our parents. We constantly do things that grieve our parents. We don't do as they ask, we rebel against their commands, we spit in their faces the very rules they've laid out for us to do what we think is better for us. Because we think we know how to run our own lives, and we don't want any "restrictions". It's these times where we turn on our own, and disregard the very ones who love us most that we cause grief. Even more than our parents, the Holy Spirit loves us. He cares for us, and tries to lead us in the right direction with everything we do in our lives. The rules that we are given by God are in the Bible. When we don't ignore it, oppose, or disregard the things God has for us we grieve the Holy Spirit. This is hard to swallow, knowing that all the time I do these things. I constantly neglect God's word, or say "no" to where He's guiding me. In the Bible it says delayed obedience is disobedience. There's another thing I can knock on the head. FAIL. I constantly hesitate to follow the direction of the Lord, and to find out it grieves the very God who gave me life eternally, hits me hard. I think of the other day, on our town run. I felt the Hoy Spirit prompting me to speak to  the lady who was washing her hands next to me in the bathroom. "Okay God, give me the opportunity, and I'll make it happen" I bargained with Him. I was pulling the whole, "Show me and I'll do it" spiel, and sure enough, God answered, "Do it, and I'll show you". Unfortunately, me arguing with God made a lost opportunity as the woman left in a huff after struggling with the paper towel dispenser. I left the bathroom and met up with Joel and Daniel who I had been shopping with earlier, disappointed with myself and the hesitance that lost me a moment to share God with someone. I felt like a failure. "Watch," I told the boys, as they listened to my pathetic groaning, "she's probably like, right behind me". With that I glanced behind us, and gasped. The lady was walking with what looked to be her daughter, pushing their shopping cart. "Talk to her" Daniel prodded. But again, I left the divine appointment in shame and disappointment. I left the Holy Spirit grieved. 

I wish to follow, obediently to the Holy  Spirit's calling on my life. I want to diligently seek God no matter where I am, and listen to Him when He gives me an order. I want to be able to minister without hesitation, especially with the Holy Spirit's prodding. Next time I hear or sense God calling me to minister in that way I want to answer with an immediate "Yes!!"

IBS-No Corrupt Words

Sept. 7, 2011

Ephesians 4:29

"Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good that for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers."

Don't speak of evil things, in general, or toward someone specifically. Only speak of things that will edify others and build up your relationships in Christ. Personally, I think of someone who grumbles and complains about everything. I regret to say that this was exactly how I was before I came to Potter's Field Ranch. I was avid about cleaning my home.I was one who did most of the work, and I wasn't upset about that, for it was the least I could do for my parents. However, I would become upset when my older brother would come home from work, leaving a trail behind him and not contribute to helping keep the house nice. I would grumble and complain, and even would I would ask him to do a  simple task he would neglect it, and I would get angry, and do it for him, grumbling all the way. Since I have  come to the ranch, I have learned about serving with a joyful heart. A huge verse that echoes time and time again in my head is "Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as for  working for the Lord, not for men." Whatever I do, I have learned that I am doing it for the love I have for my Father, for I don't deserve even the life I have. I am more blessed than a lot of people I know, and I'm sure when I go to Costa Rica I will be reminded of that all the more.

I need to keep in mind that my Father only wants to bless me, and He knows with what heart I do things. I want to only do things to lift others up in Christ, and bless them. I want to be able to serve without a grudging heart, and be able to bless others as I have been blessed so undeservingly.

Shaylene's Ponderings.. I guess this is my first actual blog!

On the Mount time, September 8th, sitting on the stairwell between the Upper Room and the Coffee shop at Potter's Field Ranch, Montana. I want to write to see what the Holy Spirit has to say to me. Whatever goes across my mind, just to determine where my heart is at this time of day. Looking up at my battery percentage, 44%.. That's only a little under 50% battery power.. Will that last me an hour and a half at least, or until my hands get tired of typing? I guess if it doesn't, then I'll just type till my computer dies :) 

"You Alone Can Rescue" echoing through my head through my earbuds. "To you alone belongs the highest praise!!" Ahhmen Father! There's nothing like a good worship song that can pump oneself up.. I deleted most of my secular music from my Ipod when I arrived here. I can admit I haven't listened to anything, but there's that hesitancy to delete the stuff that doesn't shout praises to my Father in Heaven. Maybe there's a good tune that I enjoy listening to, or a song that I just love belting out.. I don't know all of the reasons for keeping them, but as I sit here and think about how I have no desire to listen to them here, why would I have any desire to listen to them when I leave? This place is different than any other, but truly, it's just a hotbox for my relationship with Christ, where I can grow without many distractions. So when I get back to my "normal" life, wouldn't I want to limit distractions all the more? Time to go through the Itunes list again, it looks like. 

Dying to self. Each day. I am so convicted all the time by the Holy Spirit! I was convicted to fast again, this time a bit longer, just to pray when I felt that pain or annoyance from hunger. To remind myself that I constantly rely on God. I cannot handle anything alone, and I get upset when I'm struggling because of trying to do that very thing. I need a good growling of the stomach to remind me of that. Today, I was thinking, that when I'm fasting, I think more of others. Sure, my prayers are something like, God fill me with you because I need You and You alone, but my actions are for others. Could it be because I'm trying to distract myself in any way I can? Could be. But if that's so, I like it. I like being able to serve without a thought of what I want done for me. Because really, at that time, all I want done is for my hunger cravings to be filled, and I know no one but God can fill that one! Fasting has so many benefits… 

Also, today, instead of going to breakfast I was able to spend an hour in devotions, just soaking up Genesis. This book, I tell you, is incredible. Such a good opener for a book. It's filled with action! All of these people, our ancestors, doing these crazy  things! Deceiving their own father to steal a brother's blessing, marrying cousins, prayers answered, and as I'm sure you know, the list surely goes on! Hook, line and sinker! I'll admit, I was so sucked in, I spent quite a bit of time reading more during class time. Sorry, Don :/ I still got a lot out of his teaching though! Learned quite a bit about Nehemiah. That guy just doesn't back down! And apparently, I am the same person as I was back in Washington, guys! So all you, worrying about how different I'll be.. No stress! I'm still as outgoing as ever! But spiritually, I have grown! Thank You God!! I can't wait to get back and share with everything what I've learned in my short time here at the ranch (It feels like I'm right at home, but yet, been here for such a short time!)! I'm praying to God that if I cannot explain in words, at least in actions, I may be able to demonstrate and pass on the miracles God is working in me! 

Ooh! Side-note.. (What am I saying? These are all side-notes! Welcome to the brain of Shaylene.. For real!) Check out online, or on Itunes (Podcasts) Pastor Levi Lusko from Freshlife Church in Kalispell Montana. This guy I tell you, has a gift straight from the Lord Himself. He captivates the audience, brings the Bible down to our level, while still hitting the nail on the head. Nothing is avoided with his messages.. Straightforward, much needed to hear Ouch! moment teachings that leave you wanting to do radical things for Christ! 

I don't know much, but I do know this… I want to truly count everything a loss compared to knowing Christ my Lord, as Paul writes in a few of his letters, so I'm going to get to it, and light my butt on fire for Him! Got to get to the Word, and prayer! Love you all! Hope to get more of these up.. They're enjoyable to write.. these blogs I mean! Later ya'll!

IBS-What Comes Naturally..

Sept. 6, 2011

Ephesians 4:28

"Let him who stole steal no longer, but rather let him labor, working with his hands what is good, that he may have something to give him who has need."

Work to oppose your wicked ways. Rather than doing mean things with your hands and mouth, work to do the exact opposite. Instead of stealing, work to do good for others, giving to them when they're in need, as this verse suggests. Instead of slandering your brother, speak good things of them, build them up. Instead of hurting a brother, aid them. This verse is a suggestion for us to work against our flesh. To fight what comes naturally. In this way you will be kicking the devil out of you, for he loves to use our flesh against our spirit. In no way will he be able to find a nook in your heart, and will have difficulty even entering in when he sees you're not following him, so full of the Holy Spirit, and obedient to God instead. 

I want to do the opposite of my natural flesh's reactions. I want to serve others instead of thinking I need to be served. I want to make a conscious effort to deny the flesh, and resist the devil, doing good for my brothers and sisters when they're in need. Of anything, no matter how small the act of service. I want my body to truly be a place for the Holy Spirit to thrive, and therefore, emanate through me.