Seeking His Will

Tonight I was talking to my mom via Skype.. She mentioned my brother's graduation from the Air Force Basic Training in the second to last weekend of April. And asked if I would be willing to go. And I have to admit my immediate thought was-no. If I were to drive down with the parents to my brother's academy in Texas I would have to leave Potter's Field Ranch two weeks earlier than planned. I would only have two weeks with my fellow IGNITE members before heading off into another chapter of my life. Selfishness to spend more time with them, finish up the time at the Ranch, and enjoy that full last month with amazing siblings in Christ hearing about and learning from their experiences in the field. Selfish selfish selfish.

But what about my blood brother?

Something inside me tugged at my heart..

Something called the Holy Spirit.

He told me my brother needed my support.

And I told my mom I would pray about it, before the internet connection cut out.

Immediately, I took my torn desires and thoughts to the Lord, and pulled out my Bible.

My thoughts flowed with the verses I read.....

"he..sought the Lord with all his heart." 2 Chronicles 22:9

"Why are you cast down, O my soul?
And why are you disquieted within 
me?
Hope in God, for I shall yet praise
Him
For the help of His countenance." Psalm 42:5

"Deep calls unto deep at the noise of
Your waterfalls;
All Your waves and billows have gone 
over me." Psalm 42:7

"My beloved spoke, and said to me:
"Rise up, my love, my fair one,
And come away." Song of Solomon 2:10

"Therefore my heart rejoiced, and my
tongue was glad;
Moreover my flesh will also rest in hope.
For you will not leave my soul in
Hades,
Nor will You allow Your Holy One to 
see corruption.
You have made known to me the ways 
of life; 
You will make me full of joy in Your
presence." Acts 2:26-28

Lord, lead me where you need to use me. Allow me to be a vessel for your works, in whatever lives you need me to be in. Bring me where you need to go, for I know you are faithful, and with you there is only peace, and joy with the Holy Spirit through the gift of your Son on the cross, allowing me to draw near to you in times of need. And I know you will reveal to me the steps to take as I walk through this crazy world, so Lord, lead me, and I will follow, praising your name.

Nehemiah

Recently I have been fighting feelings of insignificance in the work I've been doing while I've been involved here in the PFK program at Capilla de Calvario, Villarreal. Someone mentioned to us girls one day when we asked them if they would miss us when we left, "Eh, not to make it personal, but probably not. I mean, there's going to be new interns who come in afterward, and when you all came it was just like another routine thing. People are always coming and going. It's just the program."

Little to say, I did take it personal.

It's not like the one person made me think that everyone thought the same as them, but it did add to the thoughts of the fact that soon after we leave some others will be replacing us. What we are doing here is what they will continue to do after we leave, and our personalities, our specific qualities will soon be replaced by theirs. It's a degrading thought to just be one on the employment line. Just another set of hands to get the job done.

Then today God sent His reasurrance to me through Don Victor when he shared from Nehemiah.

"I pray, O Lord God of heaven, O great and awesome God, You who keep Your covenant and mercy with those who love You and observe Your commandments..."(v. 5)

At the meeting before PFK starts on Monday afternoons Don Victor shares a mini message, and we pray for specific things in the Club- the kids, the program, the parents, the funds, the patience, the wisdom to teach and lead these children, etc. As Don Victor shared about Nehemiah, he hit the point that it doesn't matter what others outside of the work say against what we're doing-that what we're doing in these kid's lives is insignificant, or not worthwhile, but that if we're doing it all to the glory of God, we can be confident that he who began a good work in us will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. (from Philippians 1:6). This brought to my attention that what the person had said to me that had deterred me so was what the devil used to enrapture my feelings of inadequacy to try and tear me down so I didn't feel the need to continue helping in this program, and fighting the fight of preaching the gospel of Jesus Christ in my life.

Gabriel

"For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places." Ephesians 6:12

Some of the smiling faces that help me to remember the work I do for the Lord is not done in vain....

Sofia, Audrey, Isabelle 

Playing flag football
(Brandon smiling in the corner)

Dayana, Cindy, Hector

2 Chronicles For the Win

Written March 1, 2012

Tonight I was at worship practice at Capilla del Calvario- not actually practicing, but waiting for Karlee and Janessa while they learned the songs for the Sunday service. I had time during this to sit back and reminisce on my day and also crank out some 2 Chronicles. As I read there were two specific verses that tugged at my heart...

1. "Then they entered into a covenant to seek the LORD God of their fathers with all their heart and with all their soul;" (15:12)

The other night at the group Christian Surfers, or Pura Vida Church Tamarindo, the speaker Pano shared about having a passion for Jesus. He shared about having such a love for Him and His Word that you would seek Him fervently. This verse put me in awe, for when I read it I thought of how Pano's message hit me in the same way.. It kindled the burning coals in my heart which were my passion for Him in every way of my life to ignite a flame, which I desire to stoke in an ardent seeking of Christ. 

At Bible Club tonight, I sought God as to how I could show the children of Villarreal Christ's love in each moment. In my group of 5-7-year-olds, (Las Ovejitas) there were 9 beautiful children.. I was a little unsure as to how the time would go, as the kids were everywhere with their attention spans measuring a little under 5 minutes per interval. As I guided these children from activity to activity, God just told me to love them. I found myself yearning for hugs from them. I yearned to encourage with a smile, a high-five, a pat on the back a "Bien hecho!" I longed to share with them the love my Christ has for me: what caused Him to go to Calvary for my sake, and theirs too. I longed to see their usually solemn faces lit up with joy because they were being touched by the love of a faithful Father. By the time it came to leave, they were all throwing a ball around, jumping and yelling, "A mi! A mi!!". A capacious change from their apathetic responses to learning the new songs from the beginning.

"For the eyes of the LORD run to and fro throughout the whole earth, to show Himself strong on behalf of [those] whose heart [is] loyal to Him." (16:9)

This verse excited me. I can just picture the Lord scanning over the world with His all-seeing "eyes" to rest upon with gladness the heart bent in prayer and for Him to listen to the petitions of those calling out to Him for help. It reminds me that the Lord is always faithful-to those who are faithful. His love is in no way conditional, but His ways are just. When we trust in Him and look to Him in times of need, He is always there and answers our cries for assistance. WHAT a blessing! So undeserved, and yet freely given! Hallelujah to the Maker of the stars! Who was and is and is yet to come! With this verse I was given a peace to know the He has a perfect plan for me, and I can rest in that plan. I can rest knowing that He will be there when I cry out from confusion because I want to know every detail here and now. Even when I am upset, because I call on His name, He will answer me.