IBS-"My Ways are Higher"

Sept. 22, 2011

Isaiah 55:9

"'For as the heavens are higher than the earth,

So are My ways higher than your ways,

And my thoughts than your thoughts.'"

First my thoughts aren't God's thoughts.. And now He's giving this fact emphasis? Alright, note taken. His thoughts are far beyond anything I can comprehend, His ways are much higher than my ways. What He deems possible, is. I suffer with self-doubt. I'm not good enough to be in the ministry God. I can't handle this situation, I don't have the strength. I don't have the right words to say to this hurting person, I'm not the person for the job. The list goes on.. A never-ending trail of incompetence. I thank God His ways are higher than mine, because if my God were one who doubted His ways, then we'd all have a problem. I am always reminded of His strength and His power, how much higher His thoughts are than mine, when He tells me I can do what He has planned. It's that much better when His ways are made complete, and He uses me, this empty vessel, worth nothing on it's own, and fills it with His expensive ointment, His knowledge, His ways.

Again, as we began IBS, I am reminded of God's thoughts, so much higher than mine. Yesterday I decided to memorize a new verse. To memorize the verse I write it daily, on my arm. A constant reminder to memorize my verse for the day. Olivia, looking over my shoulder, stated, "Be angry..?" as she read it, I furrowed my brow, "No, that's not what it says.." looked down to see that's exactly what it said. I had began to write a different verse I had underlined, subconsciously. "Oops.. I guess that was God doing that.. Maybe I'll need this verse today instead," I laughed, thinking, How odd, I'm not mad in any way at anyone.. Later when IBS began, Pastor John dubbed me leader of the Costa Rica group. As leadership is not something I am confident in, I was hesitant to step up and take charge. Karlee, being a natural leader, stepped up without a second thought and pointed out my insecurity. I felt the little authority I had and with the lack of confidence in it, I had just been undermined. A burst of anger shot to my throat, and it took a moment of Psalm 4:4 flashing through my mind to remind me to stay calm. I was frustrated, and distraught, and it took God's works, in His own way, for me to stifle my own desires of snapping and staying collected. Thank you, Jesus! (Don't you fret, ye readers.. Karlee and I discussed this incident later, clearing up any confusion, and frustration the situation had caused. Thank you for sisters through the blood of your son, God! :) )

I need to be slow to speak, slow to anger in defense of feeling incompetent. I want to, when I notice anger arising, stop and meditate on who God is making me to be, and not on the person who I think I am. 

Verse of the day: "Be angry and do not sin. Meditate within your heart , on your bed and be still. Selah." Psalm 4:4